By now, you will have figured out that you can't click on the cruise video in the previous installment, because THERE WAS NO CRUISE. At least not much of one to speak of.
It all started out well enough. After weeks of planning, hives and other assorted things, the girls met at the airport and wound our way to beautiful Puerto Rico, to board our 115,000 ton or so ship, the "Caribbean Princess." I must say, from the outside, she is magnificent. I have never been on such a large liner in my life. One of 3200
heads of cattle passengers ponying up to the
feed trough buffet most mornings for a
bale of hay delightful repast of eggs
covered with congealed hollandaise benedict, and every other sort of egg imaginable.
Waddling Rolling Wheel barrowing Sashaying ever so nimbly between other
bloated porky
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| The goats couldn't compete when the cattle filed off the ship |
fat fellow cruisers who were eating more like
Elephants Draught horses They had never seen food before they were feeling at home on this
soon to be broken down tub resplendent floating hotel.
Once aboard, we were shown to our
postage stamp broom closets cozy staterooms, where we proceeded to
throw our belongings about unpack, and check things out. Like the shower with the
handle grab bar, in case we hit
a rock and tipped over rough waters while cleaning up
or just wanted to get kinky. It too wasn't
big enough for my fat arse, or anyone else's huge, but if you didn't mind
spraying more water than Niagara Falls all over the place mopping up a bit afterwards, it was
woefully inadequate adequate.
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| Which way to St. Lucia? |
We set sail at 2300 Sunday evening, we were to awaken to the island of St. Maarten right outside our
scuttle worthy ship. Instead we awoke to
that bloody awful ship's noise that announces whatever disaster is awaiting you the captain announcing that we wouldn't be arriving to St. Maarten until
July 14, 2013 later on that afternoon. The port propeller was
shot to hell not functioning properly. We would have technicians aboard that afternoon to tell us why the propeller was
shot to hell not functioning properly and
that we would be on the cruise to no where when repairs could be
ineffectively effectively carried out. By the time we girls whirled around the island on our Segway tour
moving much faster than the boat, it had been decided that
the first set of technicians was incompetent more assessing was needed, so another set of
people who didn't know what they were doing technicians was needed. So we spent the next day in
St. Lucia St. Maarten. By Tuesday evening we knew that we were
screwed returning to
Grenada Puerto Rico the following day for more
useless drivel assessing by folks who
didn't have a clue as to how to fix the damned boat would be able to possibly have us on our way. By mid Wednesday, it was all over
except for the raping and pillaging, we would be
fighting with other cruise liners for excursions moored in San Juan with the offer of a cruise refund and a
spit diddly squat WTF whopping useless insignificant piss poor generous 25% off our next Princess cruise to be taken
not when the hell we would like it by the end
of next week of next year.
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It wasn't all bad, except for the chunk in the speedo.
Fortunately not captured on camera. |
By our second day in San Juan, Princess had
finally shown some balls and arranged our shuttle into Old San Juan thoughtfully provided us with transport to the City. A list of
about 2 available excursions came through so we could plan our
escape days off the ship. We hired taxis and even rented a car one day since the excursions
were woefully inadequate not quite what we wanted to do, especially when we wanted to be
in Bonaire, anywhere but here somewhat active. But we had a great time in spite of
Princess and the debilitated barge all the unfortunate circumstances. Had we not had 1st class flight tickets on the way home, we would have
been screwed again missed our flights as Princess had
the same useless techs working on the disembarkation process neglected to give the disembarkation list to the Customs folks, who only had
the cast of Two and a Half Men- 4 people to
prod the cattle clear all of us. We didn't take the pre arranged
livestock transport shuttle back to the airport as we would have
become murderers arrived
in the next millenium too late to check in. Fortunately for 1st class, we were able to avoid
the long pointed horns of the crushing herds economy class line and we sailed through just in time for our flight.
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| It's all better with Bacardi. |
Which left Air Canada and the almost 4 hour delay to our flight from Newark to Toronto, on top of the 3 hour layover. This was because
the stupid pilots called in sick and Air Canada sucks there was no
one who could fly the plane crew available. Three of us managed to get on the earlier flight, and poor, poor Eunice, because they
were woefully inadequate could not find her luggage even though we had already been there for 2 hours, had to
count nose hairs eat airport slop count Hare Krishna amuse herself until a
pilot had the decency to show up for work crew could be
bribed into working found.
And that was the week that was.
